Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
