I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
