She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
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