I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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