She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
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