i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
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