I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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