Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
I'm too high and old for this...
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Randomize
