Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Randomize
