my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
