the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
