i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
It's no shave November. This is our time.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Randomize
