Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
