I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
Randomize
