I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
