I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Randomize
