These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
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