just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
this beer tastes like vomit already
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
Randomize
