This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
