Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
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