Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize
