she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
Randomize
