this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
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