Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
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