I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Randomize
