Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
Randomize
