When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
Randomize
