I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize
