just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
