I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
