And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
I just gift wrapped bread.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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