Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
