I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
literally had 100 drinks last night.
I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
Randomize
