kristin has been a bad kristin
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Randomize
