Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Randomize
