Have you finally orgasmed yet?
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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