My girlfriend figured out who you are.
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
