did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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