your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
