i jhust puked up my retainher.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
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