It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
