he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Randomize
