Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
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