do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Randomize
