he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
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