Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
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