New low: just hacked my moms facebook
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
