I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
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