But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
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