I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Randomize
